Orgasmic Yoga is the practice of conscious self-touch. Unlike regular yoga, it’s not about rolling out a mat and making complex shapes. It’s about presence in the moment.
Yoga means Union. Union with our highest selves and our base selves. Union of all of our parts; our light and shadow, our greatness and our doubt. For me Orgasmic Yoga is a union of my body, mind and spirit. It’s a deep practise to play with and it can be a fascinating process seeing what stops us enjoying our bodies and revealing what pleasure could mean for us.
Learning self-touch is so simple it’s radical. We’re so used to the habits and patterns, and the conditioned ways we’re showed in films and porn, but actually whats there for us when we drop all of that really tune in to what we want, without any expectation of how it looks. Can we allow ourselves to be a little imperfect? Allow ourselves to fail? And of course allow ourselves to succeed far beyond our habitual ways of climbing to the goal have ever allowed?
I wonder why is it still so taboo to think about or admit touching our own bodies for pleasure? Gone are the days of fire and brimstone or going blind after all. It might be that we first learned to touch ourselves during childhood or our teenage years, where it’s usually shrouded in mystery and shame, hidden under the duvet and practised quickly. Some of us even got caught. All of these can leave us with a self-touch ‘shame hangover’ well into adulthood. Regardless of when we started to explore our genitals, those early experiences can often create habits which we have stuck to ever since. Also what worked when we were 15, often doesn’t give us the same satisfaction and satiation as an adult. Therefore, we need to make time to practise and explore our adult bodies anew, listening to our needs and sexual responses which will be very different from our younger years.
Challenging our pattern and habits of self-touch can expand our arousal, creating a healthier relationship with our bodies, greater self-esteem and an expanded capacity for pleasure. Whether we’re self-touching or being intimate with a partner, it also opens us up to a greater sensitivity and awareness of pleasure on a wider scale in all aspects of our lives, not just the bedroom. Conscious self-touch creates an awareness of subtle sensations that we mostly override in the race to orgasm.
This mindful masturbation can lead us to a greater level of sensitivity in the outside world, fine tuning our senses to pleasure. In a fast paced, overstimulating world there might be little time to tune in to the subtle or languish in pleasure. Think about it, do you feel able to appreciate the trees outside of your work window, without the fear of colleagues thinking you’re lazy? Or are you able to go for a massage without turning your phone straight back on afterwards and rushing back into the rat race? Do you feel selfish for spending a little extra time or money on making yourself feel good? These are all small ways we demonstrate that we’ve picked up on the shaming from society about pleasure and putting ourselves first. Let’s change that.
Orgasmic Yoga or the art of mindful self-touch is vital for fuelling and nourishing ourselves so that we can connect fully with all parts of ourselves as well as our partners and the wider world we live in. When people ask me what they can do when they’ve lost sexual desire in their long-term relationships, or sex has become a routine, I always ask ‘How often do you touch yourself?’
Orgasmic Yoga is the practice of touching ourselves with the freedom from the well-trodden routes. We don’t need to wait till we’re horny to begin, unlike usual masturbation. We can just lay and breathe, allowing ourselves to drop into our parasympathetic nervous system of relaxation, which for me is where most pleasure can grow from, not the fight or flight we’re so often in. Asking the body where it wants our hands and laying our hands wherever feels authentic. Not forced, not stale, just right for us right now. And of course with all of this allowing ourselves to change our mind if things don’t feel right, and to try things we’ve never tried before.
Where in my body is there the most sensation? Where is my awareness drawn towards? That’s where I place my hands to begin.
I usually start with light fingertip touch across my skin. Some people may wish to use oil, some use toys or feathers. But slowing down my touch so that I can feel every single sensation under my fingertips.
I also encourage micro-experiences. So instead of a full body rub down, I’ll choose one small unexplored and usually ignored area to get curious about.
My wrist, or my collar bones, or my neck. And just take my time there.
The mind may intervene and tell us we’re tired, or bored, or its not sexy enough, but keep breathing into it and feeling everything that is there for you. Change up the touch; maybe scratching, maybe massaging, maybe rubbing, maybe tapping or spanking. Its ok to try new things on yourself as its your body and no one will reject you for ‘getting it wrong’. There is no ‘wrong’ when its your body. And this level of exploration will help expand your comfort zone and allow more confidence when being curious with a partners body.
Taking your time. Letting yourself fully indulge in your body and tracking its responses under your own fingertips. Become your best lover!
Who knew you could have ankle-gasms?
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See ‘Do You Touch Yourself?’ for more……