The Woman Who Talks About Sex

Public performance on stage Microphone on stage against a background of auditorium. Shallow depth of field. Public performance on stage.

“Ohhh…you’re the woman who talks about…. *hushed tones*”

I have been recognised on the street before for my talks, podcasts and events.

Why do I talk about sex?  Because no one else does.

As a society, we just don’t talk about ‘it’.  At best this void in not talking sex continues the atmosphere of shame around sex, bodies and pleasure.

Our bodies are designed for pleasure.  There are parts of our body that are ONLY for pleasure and no other reason.

We can experience an abundance of pleasure through our whole bodies, not just our genitals.  I’m sure most people would like to be having more pleasure in their bodies.

So why aren’t we talking about sex?

I’ve always been pretty open talking about the subjects that others find challenging, including sex.  It was 8 years ago that I was first asked sex advice. Now I get weekly emails and messages, some from complete strangers.

A male friend bit the bullet in desperation and sat me down to ask me about the difficulty his girlfriend was having in achieving orgasm.  As they were now having children together, he was committed to her and didn’t like the idea that he couldn’t give her pleasure.

If I remember rightly, I offered two things.

1. Some very basic words on technique such as slowing down, being more sensual, lots more build up without a goal.

And more importantly…….

2. That he wasn’t responsible for her pleasure.

Even if you’re the greatest Love God/des of the land, if your partner is disconnected from their body all your attempts may always fall flat.

How do we get disconnected from our body?  Some people through trauma and abuse, some through negative body image but mostly SHAME!

There’s that word again.  SHAME. That thing that is rife in society, and religion, and passes down through generations.

During my last 8-year career I have been doing everything I can to get people releasing shame and being empowered in their body.  During the 6 years of running a Burlesque School across Essex, or as a Tantra practitioner and now as a public speaker, Orgasmic Embodiment Coach and Somatic Sex Educator.

I want my talks on Sex to be educational, entertaining and inspiring.  I want it to be accessible to everyone, not just elitist for Tantrikas, and the well-read.

 I like to think of my work as the Sex Education we didn’t get at school. 

Whether sacred, saucy or taboo I rarely shy away from a topic at the breakfast table, at a dinner party or on stage.  In fact some of my best coaching sessions have been in the Cafe of a Sexuality Festival where I informally start up a conversation for research on the topic of achey balls and non-ejaculation when I have a circle of open men I can ask.

But as a Sex Coach my work isn’t just about sex.  Its about intimacy, relating, pleasure and connection.  But mostly its about opening people up to more CHOICE.

Society presents a very limited version of sex, and mostly we learn that through porn.  Sex education at school does not teach us about sex. It teaches us about STI’s, and pregnancy…. but nothing about pleasure.

How do we know what is available to us, if we can’t talk about it?

I wanted to be creating the conversations that no one else was having.  I wanted to be part of the movement to release fear and shame around our bodies, our pleasure and our sexual choice.

Check out my Podcast page for more….

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