When we think about sexual pleasure, we probably have images of heavy kissing, grabbing hands, sweaty, furious, passion-fuelled bodies grinding against bodies.
Rutting our way through excitement to the crescendo climax. But what is the other option?
Theres nothing wrong with that image of pleasure, but if that’s all that’s role modelled to us through porn and the media then we’re just limiting ourselves.
What if we take the stress and the fast pace out of the tension-based approach to pleasure? And instead have a parasympathetic ‘relaxed arousal’ approach to connection and pleasure?
Breathing so deeply into our guts that we can feel every moment of sexual intimacy. From this place we can make choices instead of being driven by a heightened slightly stressed-out arousal response, dragged along on the sex-train or the conveyor belt of kissing to fumble into foreplay, to penetration that must end in someone’s orgasm.
How about if sex wasn’t a straight line? A trajectory that built and built, getting harder and faster. Striving, reaching, building, clambering.
What if it was a dance or curve? A no-linear approach. A softening & surrendering. Releasing into an experience. Relaxing our bodies instead of a friction-based climb to get somewhere that you’re not currently at.
I’d love to luxuriate and bask in the experience. Breathing so deeply that we can feel the sensations in the entire body, not just the focus on our genitals.
What if we could be 100% present with our partner…and their breath? Instead of thinking about what next? Or why aren’t we there yet? Or where is this going?
How about if we could just be, breathe, relax and feel and breathe deeper into the sensation of the experience?
Taking away the pressure of orgasm and climax that creates performance anxiety.
Performance anxiety in men wanting to make sure that they’re maintaining their physiological arousal long enough to satisfy their partner, and performance anxiety in women, that they have the responsibility of orgasming for their partners delight.
Both thinking about the other, less so feeling into themselves.
How about we focused on pleasure instead of climax and enjoyed our cliche of the journey letting go of whether we peak or not.
If we learn to expand our range and mindset around pleasure in the everyday this can lead to a shift in our thinking around sexual pleasure.
Noticing our low-level physical sensations of pleasure in the body: sunshine on the skin or warm water….and give the body plenty of those experiences with breath.
This way we learn to tolerate pleasure throughout our busy day, not just put all the weight of our pleasure on the ‘right moment’.
Can we use our hands to stroke pathways over the skin, so that pleasure can be a full-bodied experience, not limited to the genitalia.
I’d love to live in a world where we can bask in our full-bodied sexual pleasure without needing to do anything or be anywhere with it.
Living life…..two breathes away from orgasm.
Jem Ayres
Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Sex Coach & Tantra Practitioner
www.jemayres.co.uk
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