Women: genuine male Tantra practitioners do not offer you sessions via dating apps!!!!!!!
Men online offering you a sexual service that you haven’t searched for sounds dodgy as hell already.
If you meet a genuine Tantric practitioner on a dating app…they’re there to DATE…not to use their tantric skills to pull anyone in. So if they’re doing that, I’d count that as a HUGE red flag!
I’ve lost count of the amount of clients I have spoken to about this.
If you want to work with a male practitioner here’s my (not exhausted) checklist:
– Work with a professional female practitioner first to get your boundaries in place without the added conditioning (all females have a version of this) which comes with the presence of a male body.
– Work with a man who comes recommended by a professional, Certified, trauma-informed female practitioner.
Where did he trained?
Is he insured?
Is he certified?
Whose trauma-awareness training did they attend ? (Notice I didn’t ask ‘if’ here)
Are they part of an association?
Does he have regular supervision with a female mentor? What’s her name and training?
Pay for it!!!! There’s no reason to be offering it for free. Unless they’re in training then ask to speak to their (female) teacher and research them.
How much research we do before buying a car?
Don’t get won over by a shiney website please.
A good website developer does not necessarily make a good practitioner. (Saying that I do know some who are both)
Of course, even after all of this…they could still not be in integrity. But let’s try our best to get as much info as possible to make an informed choice.
Even more so if your challenge or previous trauma has been with men. Working with a man is not step 1!
One2one bodywork with a female practitioner would be my first recommendation.
Then potentially considering group work or a retreat, where you get to work with men in a space held by a reputable trauma-informed facilitator that you trust and have already worked with.
And if they (the men who you pay for a tantric massage) touch your body as a practitioner…they are not able to date you. Its not-ethical.
Keep the boundaries clear.
They’re either a paid therapeutic or pleasure professional OR a date. Dating isn’t Tantra massage. Dating usually involves tea or dinner or a comedy night, not a deep holding process of therapeutic touch and power dynamics where all sorts of vulnerabilities and trauma can come up.
There are some amazing male practitioners….. if they’re on Tinder, they’re there for dating, they won’t be offering you ‘free’ sessions.
If you’re a male practitioner and feel you might be lacking in some of these areas, chat to me and I can point you to some mentors and training. Keep yourself upto date with your trainings around consent and boundaries as a lot has changed in the sexuality professionals world over the last 5 years alone.
If you’re a female wishing to work with a male client, chat to me – I know some brilliant ones. But do the foundation work first so that there are no grey zones or blurred lines when we’re having someone working on our body.
Basically, if someone offers you a Tantric massage before you’ve had any other experience of being safely intimate / touched / naked with them, unless you are paying them as a professional and you’ve set the boundaries and they’re well respected and recommended, don’t do it!