Let’s chat boundaries…..

As part of my work, I teach about boundaries.
Working on our boundaries isn’t just important in s*xual situations….we usually overstep our boundaries in all aspects of life.

I thought I’d write about why I need boundaries in my work….and its not what you think.
Yes, there are the obvious boundaries I put in place when working with other in their s*xual energy.
My basic physical boundaries are that I’m fully clothed and its one-way touch (me to them).
But why else do I need boundaries……

Because people can be late and hope you’ll over run by 10 minutes. My sessions finish at the booked times, regardless of when clients show up.

Because people will get you into a ping-pong email chat to ask Qs instead of booking a session (I allow max 2 emails in between bookings, and those are for scheduling the next session.)

Because people might have to lose their deposit, to commit to the booking.
The assumption that because my work edges into the ‘wellness’ arena, that I’ll be flexible last minute with times and dates so people cancel on the day, whilst there are others who are on a waiting list or waiting 3 weeks to work with me.

Because people often ask for a discount….interestingly someone wanted a discount the other day, because they’d spent all their money booking onto someone elses expensive s*xuality course…hahaha!!

Because people don’t want to pay for a consultation call and instead will invite you for tea and want to be your new friend, to ask Qs and advice.

Because people will always ask if I can travel to them and do sessions in Kent / Nottingham / Wales…you name it, on their doorstep. But won’t want to pay for my travel time at my hourly rate. I work from home and my clients come to me.

Because people ask me to work evenings as they work Monday-Friday 9-5pm, but those are also MY working hours, and my evenings and weekends are precious.

Because people will pay me 5 days after a session if I don’t ask for payment upfront which creates extra headload and admin for me in chasing their payment, and means I can’t fully wrap-up their session and focus on the next 5 clients in my diary.

Because letting people into a group workshop 30 mins late affects the whole group and they’ll have missed out on vital, foundational information of which there isn’t time to repeat, and in those moments we can’t cater to the individual, we need to support the group process.

Because people will contact me at 11.30pm via FB messenger to talk about booking a session. I just reply to email me for all work comms.

Imagine if I said ‘yes’ to all of those requests in one week?

Because to be able to offer this work I need alot of support and self-resourcing through daily-ish yoga, and monthly mentoring and peer support (which Ive been struggling to prioritise formally recently) and the gym….so my client bookings need to work around those.

All these tiny little ways we can let our boundaries slip lead to burn-out, resentment and low self-worth.
To make sure I’m able to lovingly offer this work, long into the future…I hold strong boundaries around my time, my energy, my money and my admin.

Being a self-employed person means you really need to hold solid boundaries so that you’re not over-giving.
Remind yourself kindly…..
You can’t help everyone, in the way they want.
Everyone has different needs, and if you try to cater for everyone you lose yourself and your needs in that.
You will let people down by looking after yourself, its good to get comfortable wth that.

And guess what…..I’m still fully booked for weeks in advance, and having those boundaries doesn’t mean I have a lack of clients. Means I have more to give to my clients!!!

I do also have a ‘free gifts’ page on my website full of embodiment practices, vids and interviews, I also offer free aftercare calls for a set time after an event. I offer low-cost one2one sessions to a maximum of 3 people (my chosen target audience are single mums) a month. My online group work is incredibly low-price so that those who can’t afford one2one work still get to access the info (but I appreciate still not affordable enough for some.) My events are either already low-cost or I offer low-cost tickets for those in need & I’ll soon be suggesting ‘pay it forward’ prices for those who wish to pay abit extra to go towards a bursary for others less fortunate.
I feel I can offer those things with willingness…..but only because I hold solid boundaries elsewhere!

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