I gave a talk ‘The Healing Power of Orgasm’ at the Manchester Sex Lectures. I’d given this talk previously a year ago. The talk was about how I had spent my time with Cancer raising my life force energy to Live Life on the Edge of Orgasm….. but just as I stepped up on the stage, in front of the audience it hit me. I realised that I was so far from being that Orgasmic being I was speaking of.
I was giving a talk on something I wasn’t 100% in anymore. But that talk was the catalyst. The groundedness and presence required to be total with my audience and allow the words to flow through and out of me, took me right back to my core being. My voice deepened and I spoke slower than I usually did, I took time for breath, and my body started a side-to-side rock at the start…this could have been nerves but I believe it was energy instead.
5 minutes beforehand I was sat in the audience awaiting my turn nervously, but as soon as I started talking, all my nerves went away and it was as if I was in the clearest space I’d ever been.
That talk was a release for me. Not a peak orgasm, or massive full body shake in that moment but a subtle and powerful release of Orgasmic, creative lifeforce. I had done many talks over the years but this talk gave me a very physical response for days afterwards. As if it was reminding me that this was who I still was. Over the previous year I had let my energy drop and been affected by the environment outside of myself. I had been in a relationship where I felt belittled and constrained, I had started watching rubbish programmes even though I didn’t agree with or own a TV, I had been pushing my body hard at the gym so ignoring my feminine flow when softness was required. Somewhere through all of this my sexual vibration had diminished. Yes, I was still able to orgasm beautifully during sexual interaction, and be in Energy Orgasmic States through dancing, and chanting and meditation, but previously it had always been there, bubbling softly under the surface fuelling my days; my choices, my work and my connections and relationships.
Less than a week after giving the talk I had split up with my partner as our relationship had dissolved, and we both knew it was for the best.
I got myself back into a very simple breathwork practise, taking a short time each morning to just focus on breath with movement and sound.
I even scheduled in a weekly breathe date online with a friend doing this practise.
Only 2 days later and I turn up at the Yoga studio for class, sit on a bolster and start breathing and rocking my pelvis. The yoga teacher then introduces the class with a breathwork technique, breathing up the spine, from coccyx to soft palette – a simple technique I use with my Tantra and Bodywork clients – using the breath to pull the energy up from base chakra up the spine to the crown.
This short breathwork session, sent me into an Orgasmic Bliss state in my very polite and quiet yoga class. Now when we think of orgasms, people think of wreathing and moaning and touching ourselves and getting wet etc, which is great but also a very limited view of what orgasm is. I’ve broadened my Orgasmic range to encompass all sort of physical reactions and sensations. This was a Bliss state that sent me into a trance, where I was completely total, my breathe and movement were one and I couldn’t even hear the voice of the teacher giving the instructions as I was just following the needs of my own body. Usually we can’t hear our body speaking to us unless its screaming. We don’t give it space or get out of our heads enough to hear the subtle whispers of our body and its needs, hence we end up in places of such pain, suffering and disease, by not listening to the red flags and warning signs along the way.
If you were to have seen me in that class, unless you really witnessed me then, I didn’t look any different from someone else…or maybe I’m kidding myself here. My eyes were closed, my breathing was more expressive, I was having small body shudders releasing from positions and I found attempting balances hilarious as I was so fluid I couldn’t access the stoic control required to stand in a one legged tree pose, which I usually pride myself as one of my best poses. However, the quality of my yoga was richer, I was completely ‘in’ my yoga. I was holding positions organically and making adjustments from my body’s signals
Something was different about my practise that day. I know the teacher saw it also. Something transformative moved through me.
As I left to drive home I was able to maintain that bliss state through listening to some Nordic Shamanic music, all the while I seemed to be getting information download about my work, my next blogs and about writing this article.
I got home knowing that the outside world and its many distractions could pull me from this state. I ignored the plants that needed watering on the doorstep, the towel on the floor of the bathroom, and I didn’t make a tea when I got in as usual. I just walked straight over to my laptop and turned it on to channel the creative lifeforce energy I had raised into writing.
Even as I’m sat here typing, its got a different quality. My back straight, my knees open, and my feet grounded to the floor…a way I never usually sit.
I’m making a promise to myself to break those old patterns which keep me constricted – whether that’s the kind of people I interact with, or the amount of time I spend on social media. And limiting the amount of time I allow myself to be pulled out of my body.
Instead working more on my internal landscape through things that fuel me.
Good food, dancing, breathe, music, feeling the sun on my skin. All of these create the small sensations that can be treated a s a meditation and when we lean into them, they become a gate way for a far deeper feeling within ourselves. How can we experience Full Body Expanded Bliss states if we don’t even allow ourselves the time to just feel the reactions in our bodies from drinking a good cup of tea?
Check out my Full Body Orgasm Retreats on my events page