Do you touch yourself?

Sun on female hand. Silhouette of hand holding sunMindful Masturbation….. Orgasmic Yoga….Self-pleasure coaching.  Call it what you want but since I started coaching people in how to touch themselves to deepen the connection with their body and their sexual nature, the results and feedback I’m getting from my clients, AND their partners is amazing.

When people come to me for Coaching on Intimacy or Sexual Growth, one of the first questions I ask is ‘Do you self-pleasure?’ More often than not people in relationships tell me they don’t, as they feel like they don’t ‘need to’, and that’s its somehow pointless having pleasure with your own body when you have someone else to be in pleasure with. 

 I also hear reports that people only touch themselves when their sex life with their partner is flat or dwindling, and then they try to hide it with the feeling of guilt that their partner would get upset or offended.

Single people without regular partners are touching themselves just to fill a need, relax or release tension.  Hard and fast friction-based touch, as we’re taught from that font of all sexual knowledge…..Pornography.

Most people learn how to touch themselves when teenagers, but since then haven’t attempted to learn any alternative ways, and wonder why the touch doesn’t work the way it used to.

If you ate the same lunch, everyday, you’d soon get bored and after a short time it would no longer satiate you.

Its time to put some time aside to practise touching ourselves, and finding new pathways to pleasure.

When I work with women they often come to me because they’re not satisfied in the sex they’re having, but fear upsetting their partner by telling them.  This can lead to just going-along-with-it and over riding their bodies response. This over time causes further problems and women can disconnect completely from wanting sex and numb their bodies even to their own touch.

Women wonder if they should tell their partners that they’re doing Orgasmic Yoga Coaching, as somehow to not tell them seems to be some sort of betrayal.  My belief is that it is their body to do with what they wish, but somehow when we enter relationship our pleasure is handed over to someone else.

When we explore into why they don’t want to tell their partner, there is often the fear that somehow this will cause high expectations in the bed room and they would want to see some ‘progress’ and development.

When women come to me with reports that their partners just go straight for the genitals, I often here a lot of ‘man blaming’.  Men, I’m on your side!!!! All of my partners have only ever wanted to see me in pleasure and tried their best to get me there. This in itself puts a lot of pressure on both sides.

 But my belief is that if we don’t know our own bodies and how to pleasure ourselves, then how can our partners be expected to know.  They’re left stabbing around in the dark, trying their best to please us without instructions or a map. Maybe we need to first of all map our own pleasure landscape.  Find out what works and what doesn’t. And allow it to change everyday. What might work today, won’t necessarily work tomorrow,…or ever again! Let our bodies and our pleasure be fluid and ever expanding.  If we’ve been going round in the same old touch groove for the last few decades its time to mix it up and try something different. Some people reach for toys and accessories. That’s super great too!!! But my work is all about stripping it back to basics.

On one coaching call my client remarked that her partner wished to pass on his thanks to me, as her being part of the Orgasmic Coaching process has had such a beautiful effect to their love making. 

He’s over the moon, and as she puts it, all they’ve done is slowed everything down when they’re in bed, stopped reaching for the goal or orgasm and started breathing more consciously.  These for me are the foundation of mindful sex, bringing in the space to allow a greater level of awareness to our bodies and its response in the moment. Not only through Orgasmic Yoga coaching has she brought more presence to her own body, but she’s also been able to apply these practises with her partner.  Whether with ourselves or with another, more space and time during intimacy gives us insight and information into our turn-ons and turn-offs. It also lets us tune into the subtleties in our bodily sensation, whereas goal orientated pleasure-seeking often is fast and not focussed in the moment that we can override these smaller, softer pleasure which are an important aspect of the pleasure building landscape.

That is the Yoga: the unity of the body and conscious awareness with the discipline to remain in the  practise. The practise being remaining in the present moment of pleasure without needing to reach an end point or achieve anything.

One beautiful piece of feedback from one of my Orgasmic Yoga clients:

“Jem’s Orgasmic Yoga coaching is an amazing opportunity to dive deeper into your own Sacred Pleasure. It’s an invitation to truly commit to yourself and re-wire some deep rooted beliefs and patterns when it comes to self pleasure and sexual pleasure. 
Jem’s gentle yet strong presence in the whole process supporting you and helping you to stay focused as well as have some fun is really inspiring. I am on my second set of coaching sessions and have met with pleasure and my resistance to pleasure as well as had some beautiful orgasmic love making with my partner that set our relationship sexually on a new level. It takes courage, self discipline and self motivation to stay with the process and I won’t say I have it all the time but I also am more aware of my limitations which makes them easier to shift. Jem is wonderfully supportive with a no nonsense groundedness which I really like with a wealth of knowledge about different techniques and processes. I can highly recommend her sessions to anyone, single or in relationship.”

I’m totally blown away by the response and private messages I’ve had from my posts on Mindful Masturbation. People want to know why, how and if it could help them. 
I’ve received many messages and calls over the last couple of weeks with people asking questions about the work.

I’ve also had some beautiful feedback and turn-it-around moments from those I’ve coached just one session with! 
People no longer slipping into fantasy, relearning their pleasure, breaking old habits, trying new things, tuning into the subtle energetic experiences of their bodies, learning the important impact breath and sound has on their pleasure, standing up, dancing round, having heart-gasms…..all sorts going on. 
People are feeling full and nurtured by their own touch, no longer reaching for unsatisfactory sex, unhealthy lovers or porn to fill an emotional need. 
Plus then able to take that energy and that touch back to their partners also teaching them this practise. The practise of arousal through consciousness. 
Beautiful to witness people growing.

Orgasmic yoga and self-pleasure practises aren’t just for those who believe they have ‘sexual issues’. But it definitely can help there too.

We’re never taught how to be in pleasure, we figure it out ourselves in our teens usually and that’s what we’re still basing our techniques on. 
It’s time for our pleasure to evolve.

If we can be more loving to ourselves, then we have more to give to the world, our families, our partners, our children, our work.

More info on Orgasmic Yoga here…. 

Contact Jem to ask questions or to  book in your first session here… 

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